I'm Loving Angels Instead
by overusedmuse
Summary: Veronica was murdered. This is her in Heaven watching over the people she loves. LoVe, and some LeoVeronica. He's inlove with her but she loves Logan. And theres also some DV, but only breifly, and its pretty much onsided. I'm a LoVe fan, sue me.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is based on ****The Lovely Bones.**** I got this idea when I was reading the reviews for my other story, and someone had this Veronica Mars/Lovely Bones story. I suggest you read it. Its called When Angels Speak by madSeason. I had never thought of doing a story like this, and after reading it I got inspired. This however, is different from hers, as it is closer to The Lovely Bones and has different story lines. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, ****The Lovely Bones****, or The Princess Bride…sigh**

I don't remember how I got here. The last thing I remember is Jordan Fitzpatrick, pointing a gun at my head. Everything went black after that, and then I was here. Although, I don't exactly know where here is. It can't be Hell, because there are too many flowers, and it can't be Heaven because I don't see Lilly. When I finally saw another human being, I ran over to her. She introduced herself as Sophie, and she explained where I was.

"This isn't Heaven or Hell, Veronica. It is a place all people go to say goodbye to their old life and say hello to their new one. The reason you don't see your friend Lilly is because she has moved on. She is in the big Heaven. This here, is your own mini one. It changes as you want it to. Here you can watch your loved ones, until you are ready to say goodbye to them forever, or at least, until they die too." Sophie was a round lady with short dark hair and apple-like cheeks. I've learned to see her as a mother like figure.

The first time I watched my family and my friends, I cried. I cried until there weren't any tears left. First, I saw my father. He wouldn't get out of bed. Alicia was with him, getting his water and food. He wasn't living at our house. He couldn't stand seeing my open bedroom door. It was weird to see him all curled up and defenseless like that. He blamed himself. After all, he was the one that found my body.

Wallace was acting the way I did when Lilly died. When I watched him, it was like reliving the pain. I hated to see him go through that. He quit basketball, at least for a little while. He would stay in his room and watch The Princess Bride. It was a movie I loved and he tolerated. "You know, I wouldn't be watching this if it weren't for all the sword fighting," he would always say as the movie would start. I would always reply with "whatever you say, Wallace." And he would laugh and hit play. I could feel his emptiness as he began the movie, automatically pausing where we would have this banter. It was during this silence that he would begin to cry.

Duncan had no idea I was dead. He was still on the beach in Australia with little Lilly. He was still safe at least. Duncan was my relief, because he hadn't changed, yet. My relief was yanked away from me a couple of weeks later.

Mac was devastated. After all, my death was only three months after Cassidy's. She had nobody now. After a while, she would fill my shoes and become more like me. Right now however, she usually just stared at the blank screen of her computer, a haunted look in her eye.

Lamb was the head of the investigation for my murder. Leo wasn't on the case, but he finally understood why I used him for clues to Lilly's murder. He did everything in his power to find my killer. It wasn't until he teamed up with my father that they figured out the real story.

Everyone at school was sad, but it was a fake kind of sad. I was never friends with them and they were never friends with me. I wasn't popular or rich like Lilly, I didn't get a fountain, but no one went into the main hallway girl's bathroom for the rest of the year. I found this funny, that the place that I had delivered bad news for 2 years was the place they chose to remember me by, although there were some good memories in there.

Which leads me to Logan. Logan was a wreck. He loved me so much and I got taken away from him, just like Lilly. His mother, Lilly, and I, the only three women he ever cared about were all in the same place. "At least they were away from my father," he would often tell people. As far as he knew, his father was rotting away in Hell and his angels were in Heaven, where they belonged. He got completely drunk for a few days, and seriously thought about suicide. He even sat down to write a suicide note, but then he realized no one would be there to find it. All he had left was Dick, and he was in Florida. I couldn't stand to watch these episodes of his. I wanted to hold him and tell him it would be okay, but for Logan, it only got worse.


	2. Chapter 2: Veronica and Keith

**A/N: And finally, chapter number two. I'm having so much fun writing this, and I really hope you like it. It's a much longer chapter than I usually write, but I'm going to try and make them longer. I'm not sure which two characters to do next (I'm going to take them two at a time) so comment with who you want to see! Also, I noticed that I have about 350 views, and yet only 4 reviews. This is pathetic people! Comments make me write faster!**

I was starting to like Heaven, it was just so beautiful. The grass was greener than you could imagine and the sky was bluer than blue. Clouds still darted the sky, and their only purpose was so you could lay down on the ground and see shapes in them, since it never rained. I wasn't in the Heaven where you could touch the clouds yet, and I can't think of a reason I'd want to, besides seeing Lilly. I wasn't ready to let go of my daddy, or Logan, or Mac, or Wallace, or Duncan, for that matter. I sometimes wonder who has it easier, Logan and Duncan, or Wallace. Wallace doesn't know that things get easier, and that you eventually move on. Logan and Duncan know that, but they've lost both me and Lilly.

The house I slept in now looks like my old house, the one I had before Lilly died. I don't need the sleep but I'd lie down in a replica of my old bed, and daydream about what kind of life I would have had, and when that got too painful, I'd try to think of what I'd say to Lilly when (or if) I'd finally see her. I don't even know if I could say anything. Sitting in my old room brought back so many memories; the day before homecoming when Lilly told me to break out of my shell, my 13th birthday party when Logan pushed me, fully clothed, into our backyard pool, and the day we moved out. The memory that I revisit most, is the night that Lilly died.

It was still outside, no wind, no rain, no sign that my life had just been ripped to pieces, and those pieces got put through a shredder. I sat on my bed and just cried. My body shook, breathing was painful, my vision blurred, and all I could do was just sit there in terror. I hated not being able to do anything about her death. I would have given anything to go back and save her from that moment. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her, with her head covered in blood, and her blue eyes open and lifeless. Every time I opened my eyes I saw the picture of the four of us from homecoming that I put on my nightstand. When I realized that she'd never have the chance to go to another dance, even though she hated them. I was sobbing so loud, I didn't hear the tapping at my window. When the sound continued, I thought I was imagining it. I was, after all, on the second story. I finally forced myself to turn towards the window and saw Logan. He was sitting on the branch of a big oak tree that grew outside my window. I got up, not bothering to straighten my pep squad uniform (I knew I looked like shit), and I opened the window to let him in. We didn't exchange words the whole night, and yet we knew how the other was feeling. I just stood by, watching him try to fit his 6ft frame in through my 3ft window. The second he was all the way in, he put his arms around me. We cried into each others shoulders. It took me a while, but I finally fell asleep, thinking about how grateful I was for having him there. When I woke up, I realized he was beside me. He put me under the covers, but didn't bother to cover himself up. I closed my eyes, and remembered why he was here. I willed myself not to cry, not until he left. Logan was so strong for me last night, he shouldn't have to wake up to me crying all over him. I tried to go to sleep, but it was unsuccessful. I was pretending to be dreaming, when Logan woke up and kissed the hair right above my ear.

"We'll get through it together," he whispered. He then got up and left, tears forming in his eyes, as he squeezed himself through the window, and climbed down the tree. Logan didn't have anyone this time, and my heart broke at the realization of this.

* * *

It took one month for dad to realize that sitting in a dark room was doing nothing to help find my killer. I was relieved that he was out of his funk, until all he did was look over the clues. He didn't sleep, and he rarely ate. The first thing he did was go to the sheriff's department and demand to be put on the case. When Lamb wouldn't take him on, saying that he was too "emotionally attached to the suspect" he stormed out. He wasn't getting anywhere near solving the case because Lamb had all the evidence. That didn't stop him though, and soon it got to be out of control.

Alicia was getting extremely worried about him. My heart went out to her, because she wasn't extremely close to me, and yet she was watching Wallace and my dad deal with my murder. She didn't know how to handle it, yet she found a way too. That would have been the kind of mom that I'd want to be, if I had lived to be a mom. Maybe, decades from now, when everyone is up in the big Heaven with Lilly, Logan and I could sort of adopt one of the little kids that die too young. We could make it seem like we are a normal family, but I know better. Feeling what Alicia feels when Wallace said his first word, or graduated high school, was impossible for me.

She finally stood up to him, and told him to go get some sleep. My father, instead of just going to bed, yelled at Alicia.

"You don't know what it's like. What if Wallace was murdered, and the person in charge of finding his killer was an asshole who did nothing? Veronica is probably dead because of some case I sent her on. It's probably all my fault. And I can't stand knowing that there is a probably. I need to find whoever killed her, and make sure he never sees the light of day, ever again. Do you understand that? I watched her go through hell the year Lilly died because she chose me over her friends. I watched her refuse to stop helping me with the cases. I watched her crumble into my arms when she found out that I was alive. I didn't say 'I love you" enough to her, I didn't protect her. The least I could do is find her killer."

I was in tears as I watched him storm out of the Fennel's house. Alicia just stood there, and stared after him. Backup followed my dad out of the house, and hopped into his car. He drove around for about an hour, when I figured out he wasn't going anywhere specific, I decided that I would try something Sophie told me. I thought and wished with all my might that my dad would wind up in front of the place that held my body. When my father pulled up in front of the River Stix, Backup went wild. When Keith opened the door, the pit bull barreled out and ran into the building. Keith grabbed a flashlight and looked around. It was late, and the place was empty. Backup was barking at the floor, and when Keith found the stairs for the basement, Backup raced down and started barking at a dumpster. At that moment, Keith knew he had found her body before he saw it. He called Lamb, but never opened the dumpster. He stood out of the way as the group of people investigated my bloody and tangled body, and he closed his eyes and focused on not passing out or breaking down while Lamb was there. He went home and crawled into bed and slept for the first time in days. Alicia forgave him.


	3. Chapter 3 Part 1 Duncan

**A/N: Sorry about being so late, but it was the week of my first show, so that was 15 hour days of singing and dancing. Its only part 1 of a chapter because I wanted to get one out before I start another week of rehearsals. In this story Leo never got fired. I just saw that episode for the first time in full, so I didn't know about that when I started the story. So without further ado, here you go.**

Duncan still didn't know about me. Two weeks after my death, a package arrived for him. It was an untraceable cell phone that Logan and I decided to send to him. Inside the package there were two notes, one from Logan and one from me. He read Logan's first. It simply stated I'm sorry in his messy scrawl. My note was next. It explained Logan's apology, and two numbers where he could reach us at.

He was still very much in love with me. I could tell by the look on his face when he read that me and Logan were back together. I know that if I was still alive, eventually he would accept us, but I'm not still alive, and there is no eventually. He decided to call Logan first. Duncan tried to pull his thoughts together as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Logan sounded terrible, like he hadn't slept in days. His voice was hoarse from crying, but Duncan didn't show any remorse.

"I thought we already went over this. Veronica chose me! She's only with you because I'm not there. You stole her away again! I thought we were friends. You know how much special she is to me. She's amazing and the only girl I will ever love. You had Lilly. It's not my fault your father killed her."

When Duncan stopped to breath, he noticed a strange sound on the other side of the line. Silence. Logan was always ready for a fight and yet Duncan heard no snarky remark. After a moment that seemed like forever, Logan spoke, in a tone so soft that it took Duncan a second to realize he was talking.

"You don't know anything about how much I loved Veronica. Lilly was the love of my life, but life ends. My love for Veronica doesn't. She was so much more than anything I ever felt. I would have died to protect her. Twice in her short life I risked my own to keep her safe, and she was always doing the same for me. But I failed her. She's dead Duncan. Dead. And you weren't even here. You haven't been feeling the absolute pain that I've been feeling for the past two weeks. So don't you even say that you loved Veronica more than me, because that's not possible.

After Logan said that, he hung up the phone and punched a wall. I was sobbing uncontrollably as he made this speech, and wished that I could tell him that I felt the same way about him. I never wanted anything more. I forced my eyes back to Duncan. He was slumped on the floor, not crying, but just staring. Little Lilly walked over to him and sat on his lap.

"Daddy sad. Lilly make Daddy better?"

She placed her tiny hand into his and pulled him to her toys.

"Daddy have this," she said.

She was handing his her favorite stuffed animal. It was a teddy bear that Veronica had given her before they left Neptune. Duncan clutched it in his hands and broke down into tears.


	4. Chapter 3 Part 2: Wallace and Mac

**A/N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Real life caught up to me. Trust me, if life was the way I wanted it, I would have chapter 56 up now. (There isn't going to be that many chapters. In fact I'm pretty sure we're nearing the end now. But anyway, I added a game in here. I mention a purple scrunchie, and I got the idea from another CW show. If you can guess it, you get brownie points, and I'll put your name in the next chapter. **

I was sitting in my computer room, or what used to be my computer room, in my faux house, which of course led me to think about Mac. She was pretty depressed after my death. She spent most of her time staring at a blank wall. Her major in Hearst was Computer Science and it was no challenge for her. Her new roommate, however, was the thing she had to adapt to. Mac went into this never wanting to get close to another human being. I doubt she'd even try and get along with Tina Fey. Parker was the Shelly Pomroy of Hearst. She was tall, blonde, skinny, and her biggest accomplishment was painting her toenails fire-engine-red, and talking to 5 different guys at one time on AIM. Definitely not Mac's kind of thing. She was coming back from class one day when she bumped into a good looking guy with a Portland, Oregon t-shirt on. Mystery boy sent both their books flying. Mac sighed in exasperation, and bent down to pick them up. Her hands found a way to a pamphlet about a crime scene investigation class. She forgot her books and her fingers lightly touched the pamphlet. The haunted look in her eyes killed me.

"Interested?" the boy asked. Mac jumped. She had completely forgotten he was there.

"Huh?" she responded. The sound felt foreign in her mouth, she hadn't really spoken in a while.

"The crime thing. I never really thought about it, but when I saw the pamphlet, I though, what the heck? Hey….you okay?"

Mac was on the verge of tears.

"Yeah, I just know someone who would have loved to take this class. I'm sorry, I got to go." And she ran off, forgetting her books behind her.

Once she got to her down there was a scrunchie on the door. It was the purple one, which meant, according to Parker, that her and the special someone of the hour were going to be in there for a while. Mac just couldn't take it anymore; she had to get out of there. She ran out of her building, but didn't make it much farther after that. She collapsed and started sobbing. After a while, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Wallace, and after she nodded, he sat down and joined her.

Wallace started up basketball again because his mother made him go back to Hearst. He was struggling a lot, but he kept it together very well on the outside. After that day in the field, he became a lot closer with Mac. They started going everywhere together. She went to all his games, and he walked her to every class. There was nothing romantic between them, since Jackie left and Beaver turned out to be a psychopath. One day, a couple of months into school, where it would be snowing in New York, but still 80 degrees here, they decided to enroll in that class that Mac had seen when she bumped into the dude from Oregon. Wallace couldn't take it, the memory of me finding another way to haunt him, but Mac stayed. She thought it was her duty, her way to officially remember me. Mac soon after went to my father, and became his much needed assistant. When he stopped working, she took over.

**A/N: So this is Chapter 3 part 2. I really want chapter 4 up soon, so I will work hard. But I want it to be perfect, seeing as how Logan is next. Hopefully it will be up within the week. Review with your thoughts about the purple scrunchie and the story in general. The more reviews, the faster you pull me away from reality. **


	5. Chapter 4: Keith and Mac

**A/N: I can't believe I'm even doing this. I know its been 5 years and I literally haven't even attempted writing since I finished the last chapter on this story. But I rediscovered fanfiction earlier this week, and while waiting on the next chapter of a story I've been reading, I realized how hypocritical it was for me to leave this open ended. I'm sure the majority of the people who read this 5 years ago don't even care anymore but all of my ideas are still floating around and I wanted to complete it. And to anyone who is just catching this now, I apologize for the style of writing in the previous chapters. I was a freshman in high school and wasn't very good. But I hope you like the following chapters. PS I know I said this chapter would be Logan, but that was a long time ago and I have a more organic way to introduce his storyline. It'll be the next chapter I swear! (And warning, there is mention of suicide in this chapter. If this is any type of trigger for you, please don't read it!)**

* * *

The lights at Mars Investigations hadn't been turned off in a month. The coffee pot was always brewing and there was the constant sound of papers rustling. Exasperated sighs came from the telephones and on very rare occasions you could hear the sound of snores coming from my dad's chair. Alicia was worried. He hadn't come home in a week straight, and before that he would only stop by for some new snacks and to check on Wallace. But she knew better than to bring it up again. She couldn't pretend to know what he was going through and she didn't want to get into another fight. She brought lunch to the office every day, and hoped that her Keith wouldn't slip completely away from her.

Mac was at the office almost as much as my dad was. She didn't sleep there, but frankly she didn't sleep much at home either. She spent every hour of the day either following up on the few leads they had on my murder, or investigating for clients, so that dad could pay the bills. I was proud of her. She was almost as good of a PI as I was. Thankfully she was never allowed to do anything too dangerous with her newfound skills. She mostly followed up on infidelity charges. On the rare occasion she awarded herself time off, she would head over to Wallace's, just to watch a movie or play a board game. He was handling my death much better now. He let himself grieve, and was now slowly taking steps to a healthier life. I was glad for him. I didn't like it when he was hurting.

Mac on the other hand was too busy to let herself grieve. Until one night, after not sleeping at all for 48 hours, decided that visiting my old room was a good idea. She parked in my driveway and walked up to the front door, which was still covered in weather-worn police tape. Lamb had come over here to look for clues months ago when they found my body, but he didn't look too hard. Leo, who accompanied Lamb, turned everything in the living room and the kitchen upside down, but he couldn't bring himself to investigate my room. He knew he should, but he just couldn't. It didn't matter. Everything I wrote down about the Fitzpatrick's I kept in a notebook under the passenger seat of my car. The LeBaron was towed on the night of my murder and it disappeared from the lot.

Mac gingerly brushed aside the police tape, feeling weird that she was entering the house that my dad avoided. She stepped into the big open living space, seeing that Leo had obviously tried to put things back after he searched the place, but he didn't know where the magazines went, or that the couch cushion with the big stain was supposed to be flipped upside down and put in the middle of the couch. Mac herself had made that stain after coming over the night of Cassidy's funeral. She pretended to be listening to a conversation my dad and I were having about a case, but she retreated into herself and didn't notice her glass of fruit punch tipping upside down. She tried frantically to clean it up when she realized what she had done, but she just broke. I ran over and just held her, relinquishing all of the pain Cassidy had caused me and focusing solely on how damaged Mac was feeling. We just sat there crying for hours. We didn't even realize when my dad had left the room, but he returned with two huge ice cream sundaes and left them for us on the counter, retreating to his room without a word.

Mac walked over the couch cushion and turned it over, pausing to remember the same moment I had just revisited. She refused to let the memory wash over her, and turned to the coffee table, fixing the magazines and putting the remote control back on the armrest of the Lazy Boy recliner. Finally she moved into the hallway, walking quietly towards my room. Leo had closed the door out of respect for Keith, and Mac, without thinking, knocked. She opened the door and saw my room exactly the way I had left it. There were three new pictures that I had taken sitting in front of my printer, with the thumb tacks right next to it. I was trying to decide where on my bulletin board to place them. Mac walked over to my desk and saw the picture of the two of us in its frame. We weren't usually for picture taking, but I had insisted over spring break that I would need something to remember her by when I would be dorming at Stanford. She picked up the frame and smiled at our goofy expressions (I stuck my tongue out and she was pretending to be mad with a scrunched up face). She sat down on my chair, only to jump up immediately. She turned around to see a tan ball of fabric rumpled up on the seat. She held it up to get a better look. It was a weathered camel colored jacket with orange stripes up and down the sleeves.

I gasped. I had forgotten about that jacket. Logan gave it to me the day after Cassidy jumped. When he ran out after I discovered that my dad was alive, I was a little disappointed. As glad as I was to see my father, a tiny part of me wished I was still wrapped in Logan's arms. I knew that it was ridiculous so I shoved any thought of him far back into my brain and spent the day with my dad. After he had fallen asleep though, I realized I needed to find Logan, so I got in my car and drove towards the Neptune Grand. I could see the crowd of people from a mile away and the memories of the night before came flooding back to me. I pulled over and whipped out my phone. I quickly drafted a text message and hit send before seeing the words convinced me to turn around and go home. "Logan, I need to see you. I tried to get you at the suite but I just can't be there. Meet me at the treehouse?" The treehouse was this place that Lilly and Duncan discovered when they were still in elementary school. The two of them had gone exploring the trees in their backyard, and found a house that someone must've built for their kids long before the Kanes moved in. It was a place where Lilly, Duncan, Logan and I hung out before we could drive ourselves to the mall and the movies. We hadn't been back there in years, but it seemed appropriate, since there was nowhere else for us to go.

My phone buzzed in my lap, but I refused to look at it. I didn't want to know his answer. I pulled up on a side street of the Kane residence, grateful that the Kanes were still at their place in the mountains. I took a deep breath and looked down at my phone. My hands were shaking as I opened the new message from Logan. "Already there." I looked up and saw his car across from the massive house. I was about to turn off the car when I heard something on the radio. I turned it up just in time to hear the news. "Breaking bulletin!" bellowed the news caster, "Movie star and American hero Aaron Echolls is dead. He was shot to death in his suite at the Neptune Grand very early this morning. He was found by Echolls' alleged mistress Kendall Casablancas, step-mother of the young man who jumped off the roof of the same hotel last night." I shut off the radio and practically ran towards the back of the house, following the marks that Lilly and I had made on the old trees after getting lost once when we were 12. I was shocked and slightly relieved to hear of Aaron's death, but I knew that as much as Logan despised Aaron, it must have been strange news to hear. I struggled as I climbed up the rope ladder, my muscles were still so exhausted from the past night's events, and saw Logan sitting in the corner with his long legs folded up and clasped to his chest.

"Veronica…" he whispered. I rushed over to him and wrapped my arms around his body, somewhat awkwardly. "I heard about Aaron. We can talk about it if you want," I whispered. He looked at me, his brown eyes searching mine to make sure that I understood what he was about to say. "There's nothing to talk about. Finally. He's gone. Done. And you're safe. He can't get to me anymore." He shifted his arms so that he was the one holding me, and we just sat there in comfortable silence for God knows how long. Finally he let go, turning his body to face mine. "Hey, you said you wanted to see me. Are you okay?" he questioned. His eyes started to search my face for any scars, visible or not. I had forgotten that I was the one to initiate this meeting. As I was trying to form the words in my head, Logan interrupted, "Veronica, are you okay? What's wrong?" He looked so concerned and I knew that I had to say what I was thinking when I decided to see him. "I'm fine, Logan. I swear! I just- I realized I never thanked you for last night," I rambled. Logan brushed his hand against my face and went to interrupt, but I quickly cut him off. "No, I need to say this." He dropped his hand and waited for me to continue. "I know things have been kind of weird between us, especially after the prom party, and I just, I don't know. All I know is that when I was in trouble, you were the first person I called. …Or texted but whatever. And its not just because you were right downstairs. I knew that no matter what, you would've saved me. …And when you left this morning, all I knew was that I missed you." I looked down. Eye contact was too intense for this conversation.

I felt my cheeks blush as I forced myself to continue what I wanted to say. "And tonight, when I tried to go to sleep, I couldn't. All I thought about was how safe I felt in your arms last night, and how much I wanted to be in your arms again." Logan was silent. I finally convinced myself to look up, and I saw the corners of his mouth start to turn up into the tiniest smile. He reached out his arms and pulled me into his lap. He kissed the side of my head before whispering, "I love you, Veronica Mars" and leaning his lips down to meet mine. We stayed like that all night and just before I got up to leave (I wanted to be sure I was in my bed when my father woke up) I realized he was wearing the tan jacket he wore when we had our first kiss. I stroked his arm, tracing the orange stripes and feeling the fabric under my fingertips. "I came here before I knew you wanted to meet. I brought this with me because it reminds me of you and I wanted to pretend you were here with me. I missed you too, Veronica. Even more than you could possibly imagine." We held hands as he walked me to my car, something we had rarely done. But I wasn't quite ready to let go of him yet, even if it was for only a little while.

A clattering brought me back from my memory. I was still in this limbo, watching Mac frantically pick up pictures that she had dropped on the ground. She placed the jacket over the back of the chair, not knowing all of the memories it held. But when she picked up a picture of me and Logan, she realized that no one had made any contact with him in weeks. She felt guilty for sticking with Wallace. Even though she rarely hung out with Logan while I was alive, she knew that he loved me, and therefore she decided to go pay him a visit. She put the picture in her pocket, decided to give it to him. Her heart sank as she realized once again that I wasn't coming back. Mine did too.

Mac knew something was off as she got off the elevator on the top floor of the Neptune Grand. Nothing looked strange, but a feeling in the pit of her stomach knew that she had to see Logan as soon as possible. She knocked twice on the door, trying to calm herself down. When there was no answer, she walked around the corner of the hallway, and thankfully spotted what she was looking for. A maid had left her cart outside of one of the rooms. She crept up to the cart and grabbed the master key, making sure that the woman vacuuming the hallway carpet didn't see her. She ran back to the suite and opened the door. "Logan?...Dick?" Her voice rang out into the silence. She saw a piece of paper on the table with Logan's messy handwriting scratched across it. She picked it up with shaking hands. There were about 4 things written that had been scratched out, leaving Mac to read the last sentence. "_What's the point?_" My stomach dropped. Apparently so did Mac's. She ran to the bathroom to see Logan, lying on the floor next to a razorblade. The floor was covered in blood.

* * *

**A/N: That was probably the longest thing I have ever written in one sitting. I hope it makes up for the wait. I'm going to start writing the next chapter now, to ensure that it is not another 5 years for the next chapter. I'd really appreciate the feedback. Again this is the first time I've written anything creatively since freshman year of high school, so don't hold back your criticism, as long as its constructive! And if you or anyone you know is depressed and contemplating suicide, do not take it lightly. Please call 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK. Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 5: Logan and the End

I spent the next 3 days focusing solely on Logan. Usually I'd hop around and check in on my dad or Wallace, but I couldn't bear to divert my attention from the beautiful boy lying in the hospital bed. Mac was curled up in the arm chair. She hadn't left his side since she found him in the bathroom. Except once while she was waiting for the ambulance to arrive. She couldn't stand the sight anymore so she ran into the living room and spotted Logan's cell phone on the counter. She pocketed it, knowing that she should call Dick, but decided to wait until she had more information. She was waiting outside his room when a pretty doctor looked down on her with sympathetic eyes and saif, "I'm so sorry, honey, but your boyfriend's in a coma. He lost a lot of blood and we don't know if he's going to make it. Can we call anybody for you? His parents maybe?" "No," Mac said quietly. She was too shocked from the whole thing to correct her about the boyfriend statement, and she knew that if she did they might not let her stay with him. More than anything she did not want to leave him alone.

After a couple of hours, Mac rediscovered the phone in her pocket. She walked outside of the room and scrolled through Logan's contacts. There were so many names, but Mac knew that he wasn't really friends with any of them. She pressed Dick's name and it only rang twice before he picked up. "Dude! What's up? Did you finally get out of your funk and decide to come join me in Me-hi-co?" Mac was silent. "Dude! Dude?..." Mac took a deep breath. "Dick? It's Mac. Something happened." She felt tears streaming down her face. She didn't even know why she was crying. "Is Logan okay?" Dick's voice got really serious and Mac was reminded that Cassidy's death still haunts Dick as much as it haunts her. "I don't know. Just come back to Neptune. Please." And she hung up. Dick was there in less than 12 hours, and he still apologized for it taking him so long. Mac stood up when she saw him in the doorway, and walked over as if to hug him. His face fell when he saw Logan hooked up to all the machines. She stopped just short of a hug and instead touched his arm, leading him into the hallway to explain what the doctors had been telling her. Dick started to cry and Mac tried her hardest to comfort him.

A week went by before I tried to speak with Logan. I had the idea when they first announced that he was in a coma, but every time I tried to start, I felt so stupid and words refused to leave my mouth. It was 2am, and Mac and Dick were asleep on the couch. Her head was on his shoulder and they had fallen asleep holding hands. I didn't question it. They had been through a lot together. I turned my attention to Logan. His skin was pale and his lips were chapped. I was still so in love with him. I never told him that. I hope he knew it.

"I love you," I whispered. "Please wake up." He didn't stir. I felt ridiculous. But then I heard his voice. It crackled and it was so quiet that I was sure it was all in my head. "Veronica?" "Logan? You can hear me?" I straightened up, and scoured my eyes over his body, looking for some sort of movement. But he was still. "Am I in Heaven? Where are you? Why can't I see you?" His voice was clearer now, but I didn't understand. I glanced over to the machines he was hooked up to. His pulse was slowing but he was still alive. "Can I be with you again?" his voice whispered. "No!" I said quickly. "Logan, you listen to me. You need to wake up right now. You need to get better."

"But I just want to be with you." My voice broke and I could feel tears streaming down my face. "No. It's not time yet." I didn't even know where these words were coming from. They were just spilling out of me. I did want to be with Logan again, more than almost anything, but I knew that I couldn't be responsible for his death. "Please. Logan. I'm begging you. Wake up." There was silence. His vitals were still slowly dropping. "Veronica…" His voice was thick and sad. "I love you." "…I love you too. So wake up." His body started to stabilize. "Go find someone to write a song about us," I whispered. "I mean, we are pretty epic." And with that Logan's eyes opened. He smiled even though there were tears rolling down his cheeks.

He spent another couple of days in the hospital. The doctors were so shocked to see how quickly he recovered. He was happy to see Mac, and she promised him that she would spend more time with him. "It's what Veronica would want," she told him. Dick and Logan soon moved out of the Neptune Grand, and into a smaller apartment far away from the terrible hotel. Mac gave Logan his old jacket back, telling him that she found it in my room. He said it still smells like me, and he slept with it for a while. However, I was glad when he moved it from the bed into the closet. I didn't want him to be sad anymore. Dick and Mac grew closer, but they refused to show they're budding relationship in front of Logan.

On the six month anniversary of my death, Mac decided to make a pit stop before having dinner with my father. All the leads on my death had run cold, but Mac still made sure to help out my father with the other cases and sometimes even just spend time with him. She pulled into the parking lot of Neptune High. She walked through the front doors, thankful that the halls were empty, and made her way to the girl's bathroom. She jumped and threw her hand over her heart when she discovered another person already there. "You scared me."

"What? Did you think you were the only one who would've thought of this place to remember Veronica by?" said the bald, muscled man from his place on the counter. Weevil quickly turned to wipe a tear from his eye that was threatening to fall. "I loved her too, you know?" When Mac's eyes widened he felt the need to clarify. "Not like that. She was a great person. She made me wanna be better. I miss her." Mac walked over and hopped up on the counter too, with one sink between them. "Me too," she said. They sat in silence for a while, until Weevil reached into his back pocket and pulled out a black notebook. My black notebook! "I found this under her passenger seat when I took the LeBaron from the junk yard. I'm pretty sure the Fitzpatricks are the ones who murdered her." Mac's jaw dropped as she yanked the notebook out of Weevil's hands. She noticed the cuts and bruises on his knuckles. "Weevil, did you go after them?" she asked, more calmly than I would've expected from someone like Mac.

"Surprisingly no. I guess our girl rubbed off on me." "Then what's with the knuckles?" she motioned towards his right hand. "Oh. I punched a wall. After I read that book I had to do something, and I knew that V would want me to go after them the right way. So I punched whatever was closest," he said nonchalantly. He waited a second then turned to face Mac, looking her straight in the eye. "You know these bastards got Felix. You and Mr. Mars now need to get them, or I swear I will break every rule that little blonde ever taught me." And with that he got up and walked out of the bathroom.

Mac waited until after dinner with my father to give him the notebook. They worked all night, reading and rereading the pages, trying to figure out how to convince Lamb beyond a sliver of a doubt that it was the Fitzpatricks. I screamed at them while they were researching, even though I knew they couldn't here me. I did a little jig when they narrowed it down to Jordan Fitzpatrick, and I held my breath as they walked into the sheriff's office. They called Leo before they got there to fill him in, and the three of them sat staring at Lamb while he thumbed through the notebook.

After what seemed like a lifetime, and without word to any of the people sitting across from him, he pressed the intercom button on his desktop phone. "Sacks?" "Yes, Sheriff?" crackled the voice from the other end. "Put out a warrant for the arrest of Jordan Fitzpatrick. We have evidence of illegal drug dealing, money laundering, and the murder of Veronica Mars." Leo stood up to shake Lamb's hand and to thank him, but Lamb just looked at my dad, Mac, and Leo as if nothing substantial had just happened. He pointed towards the door. "We're done here. Now get out."

Mac and Dad were the ones who actually caught Jordan. They tracked him to this tiny little motel in Mexico. Dad knocked on the door and when the smallest of the Fitzpatrick brothers opened it, he threw a punch that I knew Logan would be proud of. Mac then handcuffed the passed out man to the bed as Dad called Lamb. Mac then tased him, just because she knew its what I would've done. They all made their way back to Neptune, where Jordan was convicted of second degree murder, and sentenced to life in prison. That night, Dad finally returned to Alicia. That weekend he went home. He sat in my room for a few hours. It was terrible to watch, but I knew that he had to do it in order to move on. He packed up all of my stuff and put it in a storage unit. He wasn't ready to get rid of anything yet, but some day he would be.

Dick was furious with Mac for going after Jordan. She had gone to his apartment to tell Logan the news, and he overheard. He was scared that the rest of the Fitzpatricks would now be after her. She promised that she would be okay, and that she knew how to handle herself. After she left, angry for being treated like a child, Dick called every news outlet he had connections (which was most of them) and threatened that if Mac or dad's name was used in any of the stories covering my case, that he would single handedly ruin them. Since the names weren't mentioned in the paper, the Fitzpatricks had figured that the police found evidence on Veronica's murder while arresting him for drug-related crimes. Mac and Dick eventually made up, and stopped hiding their relationship.

When Wallace was drafted to play for the Lakers right after he graduated from Hearst (with honors!), Logan asked if he could move out to LA with him. Wallace agreed, and while he was at practice, Logan befriended a singer/songwriter who was more than happy to write a song about a boy and a girl who fell in love under epic circumstances. Once it was released, he moved upstate to start fresh. He even enrolled in Stanford University. He still doesn't know what he wanted to do, but he attended every class he took, trying to figure it all out.

This is where I left all of my friends. The woman I had met when I first came to this limbo revisited me and asked if I felt ready to move on. And I was. My dad and my friends were going to be okay. I turned and saw this incredible white marble staircase leading into nothing. "How cliché is that, right?" were the first words out of Lilly's mouth when I finally saw her at the top.

**A/N: Well, there you go! I hope you all liked my story. Please comment if you do! They make me happy.**


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